Lavada - A Southern Woman Who Saw the World Change
When I think about my grandmother Lavada, I am flooded with memories of her from the time I was very young right up until her passing. As any person is, she was complex and layered, with many sides and moods. But Lavada also had a core which remained unchanged over the years. A central thesis about life and her place in this world.
By the time I arrived on the scene, my grandmother was past the point in life where she was struggling financially. My grandfather had a good-paying government job and would soon have a comfortable retirement. They were the most wealthy people I knew, but that wasn’t saying much. They had enough to travel and to have a small lake house and a boat and a few acres of land.
But Lavada did not allow herself to become idle. She was always up to something. She would sew and paint when left alone, she would clean and cook when there was company, she would garden and can foods year around. Church every Sunday and several weekday church events as well.
My grandmother had a great memory and told lots of stories. It was rare to ask her a question about her past and not get a detailed answer. She was an open book to her family, and kept good track of her growing tribe.
Lavada was old-school. She came from a world where everything was more normal. More traditional. You knew what was expected of you and you acted right. This culture was shared by my grandfather, her husband Joe. They lived and functioned as a team in everything they did, which is a common aspiration of couples from their culture. Though rarely achieved, these two blended their lives in such a way that you really cannot discuss one without the other. Two halves of a whole.
Joe and Lavada were evangelical Christians from the Assemblies of God denomination, but their approach to religion was more strict than most from that denomination. For instance, with few exceptions they would not watch movies. Though they did not attempt to discourage the rest of us, they stuck with this for much of my young life. There seemed to be some exceptions for Christian movies and westerns. I never quite understood the subtleties of this practice.
Lavada would avoid controversy when possible, but was willing to go there if Joe needed backing up or if the kids needed discipline. When I was old enough to debate religion with them, my grandparents were always happy to oblige. I never felt a subject was off-limits with them. Though at times we would disagree strongly, these discussions did nothing but strengthen our bond.
Sometime in my young adulthood years, Lavada had a knee-replacement surgery. My grandparents were traveling a lot and they felt like this would enable them to continue this lifestyle for many years to come. I think this was the happiest I ever saw them, and they came to visit me in their RV quite often. This was never a burden to me as I loved their company, and our conversations were always lively.
I think the knee surgery represents a major transition in her life, as it did not go well. She ended up with both knees in severe pain. Much more than before the procedure. And would pay for that decision for many years after that. We’re talking hours of rehab, every day, with intense pain. It was hard to see her go through that, and it really took a toll on her mood. Her personality was loving until the day she died, but the pain and daily struggle of the leg rehab clearly had an affect.
Love really was a central aspect of her personality. As was tradition. But loyalty could just as easily be the primary thing that drove her each day. Loyalty to Joe. Loyalty to her kids. And loyalty to Jesus.
I’ll never forget the way she loved me. The many conversations and meals we shared. Late nights at the lake watching the Red Green show. The stacked enchiladas, red velvet cake, and blackberries with milk and sugar. Easter egg hunts and summer fishing trips. The money she would put in my hand whenever she felt the least bit grateful for something I'd done.
Lavada, whom we grandkids called Maw Maw, was truly unique and left behind a huge fan club, as did her husband. She was a strong woman, who was pulling weeds and growing crops mere days before her body finally gave out on her. She was always confident in her faith and she did her best to live a life acceptable to Jesus.
Though she has now passed away, she left behind a mark on all of our lives. She also left a large amount of photos, videos, and writings which give us a picture of how things used to be. Her generation grew up in a different world, and lived to see everything change. From horse-drawn carriages to self-driving Teslas, she lived through it all. And she was the first to tell you that she had a very blessed life.
We didn’t always see eye-to-eye and we didn’t need to. The love she had for each of us was deep and sincere, and we all knew it. I’m grateful for having a grandmother like her and will miss her deeply.
Written by her grandson Derek Dwilson, 2024.
Stephanie's Memories
I have so many wonderful memories with my Mawmaw. As a child we would spend the day making mud pies, swimming, naps and ending the day with a bowl of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream - while watching I Love Lucy.
As I got older, we enjoyed lunch out and shopping. She was always so much fun. Her hugs would make my world better and her encouragement always healed my heart.
She will always have a special place in my heart.
Written by her granddaughter Stephanie Wilson, 2024.